In all honesty, I have yet to reach the confidence that I need to turn my knowledge into an opportunity. Maybe into something small, yes, but not to where I would like to have it be. Due to the content of everything that I see within our media, I have given myself an expectation that is rather difficult to reach let alone attempt to scale. Sure, some of the pieces and other things that I make are pretty nice to look at and watch. However, I always feel that there is something wrong with them, something that holds them back. And whenever I behold the pieces that I've made in the past, I become quick to turn the other cheek, move on, and try again with a different idea.
What I must do is to find more perspectives on things, learn more techniques, and discover what my art really is and what potentials I can push it to. If I were to present myself now in the professional manner, I would do nothing but lie and embarrass myself into a humiliating defeat. In other words, I am not ready. I acknowledge that someday and someday very soon that I will have to be. Do not discount the fact that--not only--will I plan, but execute with the little time that I have left. Learning what I can at the school, obtaining insight from my peers, and taking advantage of the technology that is there before me, of which I myself would have likely never been able to get my hands on.
I will continue preparing something that will not only be portfolio-worth in an employer's eyes, but my own. Because in a state of mind where I always over-think the things I do, it is what matter most to me. Sure, the money's nice to have and vital to sustain in our society, but it's not much compared to the satisfaction of creating work that satisfies the artist himself (or herself, whatever is preferred).
